she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
