i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
