i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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