I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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