Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
