I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
