New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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