Just cropdusted the office
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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