So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
