ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
