I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
