Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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