My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
