I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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