Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
