My girlfriend figured out who you are.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
