i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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