my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
