I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
