Three words: puerto rican gang bang
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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