at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
