I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
