Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
