I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
