it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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