I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
