My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
