I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
