It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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