Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
