just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
