for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
