watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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