this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
