This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
