Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
