My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
