Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
