I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
