theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
