I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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