So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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