If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
