why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
