can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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