How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
