Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
