fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
