Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
3 2 1 whiskey
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
