My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
