I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
